Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Yee-Haws and Hells Naws

There is a hardcore confederate flag wavin', Nat Ice drinkin', pick up truck with ridiculously large wheels drivin', would-be-redneck-but-don't-live-deep-enough-in-Orange-Park family living at the end of my street. It is in their honor that I shall distribute my list of today's Yee-Haws and Hells Naws.

Yee-Haw to the Wonderwood Connector.
I swear our blog isn't devoted to roads. Really. It's just that it actually IS a good thing when I can get from my house to Neptune Beach in fifteen mintues and make my long awaited doctors appointment with no speeding. Because in most cases if you have to go to the doctor, you probably aren't well enough to speed due to lack of reflexes and maybe even complete concern. Or something. Just Saying.

Hells Naw to city buses.
Now there is not a lot I want more than good public transportation for Jacksonville, but come on already. Yes, yes everybody saw that huge article in the Times Union awhile back about how the buses are always late (because we couldn't tell that from the fact that no one is ever seen getting on a bus, just waiting for one) and how they take ages to get anywhere, but let's talk about the drivers for a minute. They suck. Drivers, you suck. Yesterday for example, I'm trying to go to the Regency Branch library. I'm on Monument and get stuck in traffic (thanks Super Wal-Mart). The second everything starts moving again fast enough for me to have to turn up my music, I get cut off by a city bus. Not just cut off, I'm talking attempted murder via lane change. So there's that.

But also, the other month I was waiting in a line of cars, as there was one lane, and staring at the people on the opposite side of the road in the same situation. Low and behold, a city bus is waiting on that opposite side and when the car I was behind moved up, the bus tries to overtake the stopped cars (yes, stopped. yes, all of them.) by pulling into my lane. Facing me. Driving towards me. Yes. Sensing the danger? Seeing the problem?

Hells Naw to garage sitting.
What the fuck? Someone explain to me the idea of chilling out on a lawn chair in your garage while listening to 96.9 The Eagle, dinking beer, and talking about football. Maybe it's a guy thing? I don't know. Weird. It's hot out, go inside and wash your hands or something.


-Apathetic Arlington

7 comments:

Cash said...

IT IS A GUY THING.

we also do not like to wash our hands.

The Urban Core said...

Welcome to Jacksonblog. Your illustrations are great. I long for a garage.

Anonymous said...

Great now everyone is going to use the Wonderwood Expressway thanks alot!

j/k Yee Haw I love that road too.

Suburban Jacksonville said...

It's raining mennnnnnnnn

Anonymous said...

its not a guy thing. it is an idiotic redneck thing. i've discovered that rednecks have an almost paralyzing phobia to being indoors and speaking with an indoor voice. i'm currently working on a manuscript of the species entitled "Someone Has to Work Construction."

Anonymous said...

You're right, Dorito. Someone does need to do construction; inorder for you to have a place to sleep, roads to drive on, and Walmarts to shop in. Please step down from your pedestal and deflate your ego.

Anonymous said...

On my skreet we hang out on the front patio and listen to itunes on the random setting and bitch about our neighbor who insists on parking on his front lawn. We don't have a garage. ***Sigh.