Saturday, September 01, 2007


Mopey Mandarin has flown the coop (aka relocated to the opposite side of the country), therefore being the last out of shape bendy straw that is the final demise of Suburban Jacksonville.

So it goes.

Apathetic Arlington and Mopey Mandarin
200? - 2007

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Bye Bye Empire

Bye bye mexican mocahs. Bye bye free movie nights. Bye bye Regency Starbucks alternative. A few months back, Empire Coffee hinted at their foreseen demise, but now it's offical, they're going out of business.It's always a shame to see one of our fine local establishments go out of business, especially one that was so short lived. In honor of Empire Coffee, we should all use this as opportunity to boycott (or continue boycotting) blood sucking mega establishments, such as Starbucks and other coffee chains. Luckily, we still have places like Uncommon Grounds and Fuel.

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Empire, you will be missed, but never forgotten.

Local coffee lover,
Mopey Mandarin

Monday, June 04, 2007


Good news is that we didn't die or get abducted by aliens. We have actually just been on the lamb, due to a small quarell with the federal government.
But now that the cheesy jokes are finished, the truth is that we are just lazy, which is why we haven't blogged for the past few months (more like 5, but who's counting).
So in honor of summer and our return, in true Suburban Jacksonville fashion, we present another lovely edition of Yee-Haws and Hells-Naws!

Hells-Naw Numero Uno: Summer Trilogies. Spider Man 3...bad. Shrek the Third...bad. Pirates of the Carribean 3...not even going to waste the $8. Summer movies are truely capitalism at its best; anything to make a buck. Creative integrity seems to disappear after the first $100 million.

Good thing for MOCA Summer Cinema.Yee-Haw to $6 movies and sophisticated themes. This Wednesday, The Devil's Backbone, directed by Guillermo del Toro (who also directed Pan's Labyrinth, which was definitely worth the $8), shows at 7pm. There's nothing better than popcorn with a nice side of Fascism!

Hells-Naw to Apathetic Arlington, who has abandoned Jacksonville for the summer and has headed off for London. Look's like she's too big for our modest blog, and has taken some internships (note the plural) at a few London magazines. Who the hell does she think she is? Elitist snob. But I regress. Let's all wish her the best of luck, and hopefully we can even convince her to find some time to blog about all her excitement in that wonderful metropolis.

Over and Out,
Mopey Mandarin and Apathetic Arlington

Friday, January 19, 2007

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Alright all you animal lovers, listen up.

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Ringling Bros. and Barnum and Bailey are in town, and that is your signal to drag out those printed on 100% recycled paper protest signs. Bozo and the gang have been in town since the 14th, but since I've been away from this technology nonsense for so long I only got my e-mail from PETA today, letting me know of the "anti-circus demonstrations" taking place in the area. But don't worry, you haven't missed your chance! The following dates are the last two scheduled anti-circus demos before the tour leaves for somewhere that isn't the Vetrans Memorial Arena.

Saturday, January 20, 10:00 a.m., 2:00 p.m., and 6:00 p.m.
Sunday, January 21, 12:00 p.m. and 4:00 p.m.

And if you don't care (you heartless unethical twit), then enjoy this video, featuring a truely respectable role model- that guy from MTV.

As quxzyt writes in the comments, "Fuck that peace of shit motherfuckers hurting that poor baby elephant! ASSHOLES." Oh, quxzyt, I couldn't have said it better myself.

I promise I'm still here, Apathetic Arlington

Monday, January 15, 2007


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Idiocracy or nostalgia? Once a staple attraction of Goony Golf, this now homeless 20 foot T-Rex is to be given a full make over and turned into a glorified momument along Beach Blvd. We've all seen it. Driving down the road. Just cruising. And all of a sudden....WTF, is that a dinosuar?
Personally I'm a fan of the rex, but I don't understand how the fate of this out-of-place landmark has stirred up so much hype. From, "Neighbors worried about the fate of the familiar but forlorn orange-painted statue, whose floodlight-lit eyes used to blink and whose mechanical arm had operated a door to collect the golf balls....calls flooded into Ash Properties"
It's a little bit ridiculous. So much attention is being given to the restoration, you would think it was historical or of some greater commemoration (i.e Holocaust, MLK, The Great Fire of 1901), not of a demolished has-been minigolf course. But reportedly, love for this statue extends far beyond the hearts of Jacksonvillians, with requests to obtain the dinosaur from such places as Disney World, L.A, and even Australia. Maybe I'm just missing something.

Long live the T-Rex!
Mopey Mandarin

Monday, December 25, 2006

What's A Jew To Do?

Every year Jews across the nation are faced with the same predicament: What's a Jew to do on Christmas? You could, once again, sit around your house cursing the damn Capitalists that ruined the entire month of December. Or, you could make something of yourself for a change and seize the day! Here are some suggestions for all of my fellow Jews and a few for the rest of my non-Christian comrades.

1. Eat Chineese/ Japanese food.
2. Check out the new (really bad) movies opening in theaters. Rocky Balboa anyone?
3. Call your grandmother in New York and bitch about all the crazy gentiles wearing ridicuously over-embellished holiday sweaters.
4. Check your bank account. You'll be happy to know that you didn't waste all of your hard earned dollars buying gifts for your entire extended family.
5. Make a list of all the times you wished somebody "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." Then email it to Bill O'Reilly.
6. Make a shirt that says "I Support the War on Christmas." Include a picture of yourself wearing it in your email to Bill.
7. Call your aunt to thank her for the socks that she bought you for Hanukka.
8. Go to your neighbor's house to play with their new Ninetendo Wii and try eggnog for the first time.
9. Figure out all of the Jewish stereotypes that apply to you (probably all of them).
10. Update your blog that you've neglected for the past two weeks!

Happy Holidays everyone!
-Mopey Mandarin

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Llamas: The New Miracle Drug

If terrorists ever unleashed a biological weapon, unusual molecules normally found in the blood of llamas could quickly help warn of the attack, scientists now report.
Full Article
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Llama blood: Penicillin of the 21st Century. Who would've thunk it?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Mexican Mochas and Some Popcorn Please

Free Movie Night Tonight at Empire Coffee
Everyone should go and help support this fine establishment.
What could be better on a Tuesday night than a free movie and good coffee.
And then stop by again this Saturday at 6PM for more free entertainment and more delicious coffee.
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For more info check out their myspace.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Yee-Haws, Hell-Naws, and a WTF

It's that time again.

Hells Naw
To, the site that allows drivers everywhere to "communicate their thoughts and feelings in regards to driving on todays' roadways." Okay, fine. But, uh, this: Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting is causing major internet nausea. Why does every website out there have to be about e-flirting or whatever the hip internet lingo word is?
And if it isn't about some sexual predator it is about being a complete dumbass? Here is a Jacksonville example: Photobucket - Video and Image HostingUm?

Hells Naw
To this. Come on. Chill out.

To Jacksonville Public Library getting Audiobooks that are downloadable from the comfort of your own home. This is pretty cool. I bet that there are a lot of everyones cheering about not having to read to read (add that idea to WTF, please).

to Forrest High School going to the School Board for a name change case again. Yes, the name is bad/ racially inappropriate/ angering. But at the same time, stop freaking out about it and just do it, School Board, and then maybe improve Forrest itself. Because their education probably sucks more than the name, no?

-Apathetic Arlington