What's A Jew To Do?

Every year Jews across the nation are faced with the same predicament: What's a Jew to do on Christmas? You could, once again, sit around your house cursing the damn Capitalists that ruined the entire month of December. Or, you could make something of yourself for a change and seize the day! Here are some suggestions for all of my fellow Jews and a few for the rest of my non-Christian comrades.

1. Eat Chineese/ Japanese food.
2. Check out the new (really bad) movies opening in theaters. Rocky Balboa anyone?
3. Call your grandmother in New York and bitch about all the crazy gentiles wearing ridicuously over-embellished holiday sweaters.
4. Check your bank account. You'll be happy to know that you didn't waste all of your hard earned dollars buying gifts for your entire extended family.
5. Make a list of all the times you wished somebody "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." Then email it to Bill O'Reilly.
6. Make a shirt that says "I Support the War on Christmas." Include a picture of yourself wearing it in your email to Bill.
7. Call your aunt to thank her for the socks that she bought you for Hanukka.
8. Go to your neighbor's house to play with their new Ninetendo Wii and try eggnog for the first time.
9. Figure out all of the Jewish stereotypes that apply to you (probably all of them).
10. Update your blog that you've neglected for the past two weeks!

Happy Holidays everyone!
-Mopey Mandarin