Epidemic Alert!

Hide your children and round up your dogs, dendrophobia is sweeping the town. Dendrophobia, fear of trees: subdivision developers have been coping with it for many years now, the brains behind the Better Jacksonville Plan are familiar with it, now my nieghbors have caught it, and it continues to spread rapidly.

One evening last week, I was not so pleasantly surprised when I arrived home to find the jaws of death chomping away at all the beautiful trees on my neighbor's front lawn. I ask you dear neighbors, what did those harmless trees ever do to you? Were they not converting enough CO₂ into wonderous breathable 0₂ for you? Or did you get attacked by one of those damn pine needles on your way out to work one morning?
Why do we continue this unjustified genocide against our fellow inhabitants of Earth? It's happening at the new luxury condominums down the street, at the newest mall, at the opening of yet another Super Walmart, and in our very own backyards. Stop the murder!
-Mopey Mandarin