"Where is our Empire, Momma?"

Killing time before Regency Branch library opened the other day, I stumbled across an interesting little place in a new and nearly empty strip located kind of behind Home Depot and kind of in front of Regency Square Mall and kind of beside the Regency AMC 24. Empire Coffee is a new, independently owned coffee house that's been open for just over three weeks. Neil, a co-owner, told me that they are desperately looking for amateur artists to fill up their bare walls and live performers to fill everyone's hearts with vanilla flavored syrup. More or less anyway, I might be paraphrasing. The coffee's good, the people are nice, they have good magazines on the table, and I'm all about this over Starbucks for a change. Their specific address and hours are located on their MySpace.



This got me thinking about the lack of independently owned whatevers in my area. Okay, no, that isn't true. The lack of interesting, well-kept, worth my time independently owned whatevers. All I'm saying is that I can't think of anywhere other than Five Points, San Marco, the Beaches, and the Urban Jungle where I can go to directly support someone's business in style. Sure, you've got your used bookstore (smelly piles upon piles of bad condition romance novels) every once in a while, a CD store (with 34 copies of Britney's first album and a poster of Yanni on the wall) here and there, and maybe even a 'unique gifts' shop (potpourri filled wicker baskets on tables that even your creepy sixth grade English teacher would despise) around every other corner, but what good does this do me? How are these places even still in business? The exception, as to be expected, are little hole in the wall restaurants and such, but that is IT, folks.
Do something about it, because I'm too broke from paying too much for gas to get me to the good stuff.

-Apathetic Arlington

Yee-Haws and Hells Naws Folio Weekly "Best of Jax" Edition

Yee-Haws:
Best Thing to Happen in Northeast Florida in '06: The completion of 9A
Mandarin to Arlington in under 30 minutes, not half bad.

Best Reason to Avoid Club Paris: Roofies. Paris Hilton sucks. It's gay. Etc.
I can't think of any reasons not to avoid Club Paris. Unless of course, it's teen night.

Hells Naws:
Best Local Trend: "Salt Life" Stickers
Lame!

Local Hero: John Peyton
If John Peyton's greatest contributions to the city have been the unconstitutional Daith of Faith and his ability shake it at Club Paris, I'd say he's more suited for Local Zero.

Best Place to See a Movie: Cinemark Tinseltown
Though not the worst place to see a movie, definitely not the "best". Incompetent employees, minimal selection of "alternative" (aka GOOD) films, and stale over buttered popcorn....Tinseltown is not quite up to par. San Marco Theater will always be #1 in my mind, showing the perfect balance of big budget blockbusters, independent films, and classic (eerrr.....pre-1995) favorites.

-Mopey Mandarin

And the winner is...

Mazel tov to The Urban Core for its new status as "Best Local Blog," as noted in Folio Weekly's latest "Best of Jax" edition. Way to go! Here at Suburban Jacksonville, we consider Tony a "blogging machine," due to his incredible ability to post interesting and relevant blogs, virtually everday.
As for us "newbies," who haven't quite gotten our acts together, it is often easy to get out of "blogger" mode, and slack off once in a while. Though be assured that SuburbanJacksonville is here to stay; we are determined not to "lose steam" or "run out of stuff to say." There is still much more for us to rant/bitch about. And of course, there are always the occasional yee-haws. In order to avoid falling into the abyss with the other forgotten, burnt out blogs, Mopey Mandarin has so diligently devised the Suburban Jacksonville Road Map to Success:

1) Blog, blog, blog! Obviously. For the time being, blogging will take place at least once a week, as life is currently extremely hectic and stressful. Once life slows down, blogging will resume to a more acceptable rate of 3 to 4 posts per week. And will eventually occur every day.
2)The Illustration Revival Initially, the goal of SuburbanJacksonville was to include an illustration with every post. Due to recent phenomena beyond our control, the scanner responsible for this task has become ill. Therefore, the Illustration Revival is contingent upon the future condition of said scanner.
3)Horizon Expansion We need to get out more. Too many nights are spent at home bitching about how boring Jacksonville is. By expanding our horizons, and trying new activities, there should be a directly proportional increase in the number of blogs we post. (Think chemistry. Charle's Law: V₁/T₁=V₂T₂)

On the Road Map to Success, all signs point to globalization and complete domination of the local blogging community. (Can you guess which one of us is Pinky, and which one is the Brain?) Suburban Jacksonville is on the rise, and there's no turning back from here.

Forever Yours,
Mopey Mandarin and Apathetic Arlington

Coffee Crisis

OHNOOHNOOHNO

Go save Uncommon Grounds!

(See Joey's article)

Full of Grace

Your Sunday Plans:

1. You are going to wake up early and put on a sweatshirt because it is COLD out in the morning. Smell the coffee.

2. You are going to go to get in your car and drive to the gas station where you are allowed to jump up at down at receiving one gallon of gas for $2.05. Still consider bio-diesel.

3. You are going to drive out to Bruce Park, in Arlington, and take in the lack of sights before next week's beautification project. Imagine oak trees.

4. You are going to go home and shower so you don't look like a slob, then you are going to head to the Beaches Branch Library for their annual book sale! There is absolutely nothing better than spending your Sunday afternoon, from 1-4, buying very very inexpensive old library books by the bag load. Breathe in the words.

5. Utilize free will.

6. You are going to go to the Children's Home Society's Caring Chef's event at the Avenue's Mall. Life is better when someone else makes your food for you. Enjoy it. Don't exercise when you get home.

7. Count down the days until you get to try this bit of Heaven in a bottle. Hell naw?


-Apathetic Arlington

( Yee-Haws and Hells Naws )3

Let's all give a big Hells Naw to semitrucks and their drivers. When your vehicle has multiple axles, you do not need to drive it as if it were a racecar. Also, just because your vehicle is bigger than mine, does not give you have the right to cut me off. And lastly, you can't make a left turn from the center lane. "How's my driving", you ask. Dreadful.

Yee-Haw to bountiful amounts of free coupons from Panera. Keep 'em coming. I can never get enough free pizza and soup. If you are like me, and prefer a free soup over overpriced soup, you too can recieve these coupons. All you have to do is hand over all your personal information to Panera when you sign up to use their free internet, and the coupons eventually start coming in the mail by the boat load.

Yee-Haw to urban excursions! We actually ventured outside of our comfortable suburban communities, to brave the Downtown frontier. Our mission: books, music, and shrimp tacos. Actually, the shrimp tacos were only for Mopey Mandarin, as Apathetic Arlington is more of a tofu burrito kind of girl. Needless to say, our mission was successful. A return mission in the near future is foreseen.

blinded by the lights

Self-realization:
"I hate coming to the entrance, just to get bars on my phone,
You have no new messages, so why haven't they phoned?
Menu, write message, so where are you and Simone?"
-blinded by the lights, The Streets

Why haven't they phoned? Why are they so inconsiderate? Why am I so anxious all the time?
Why is my mailbox always empty? Why do I even care? It's trivial.
Why do I always have to search for cellphone reception? Isn't the point of a cellphone, that you can use it to make a call from anywhere?
Angst? What else is new?

-Mopey Mandarin

Suburban Slurry

Today I realized that its been too long since our last post. Here at Suburban Jacksonville, we have a ten day rule, which states that we can't go for more than ten days without blogging, but we have failed to do so. Lately, school has become a burden and has hindered us from writing as often as we would like. Unfortunately, blogging is taking a back seat. Hopefully life will slow down soon, and we will have more time to focus on the blog.

Aside from being completely overwhelmed with scholarly duties, it seems as though the suburbs have transcended to a new level of dull. The hot news in Mandarin: the new Bealls department store has finally opened. Yee-haw! As if one Bealls wasn't enough, now there are two. Not to mention, the new Bealls is only about 2 miles away from the old Bealls. Is that even necessary? Is knock down Tommy Bahama clothing in such high demand that they felt a second location was necessary?
I also believe that a new pizza place has opened next to the new Bealls. I want to check that out eventually. I don't know the name or any other details beside that they sell pizza, but if it's worthy I'll probably make mention of them again in the near future. And if it sucks, I have a coupon for a free Crispani at Panera, so I'll relay my Crispani experience. (For anyone that does not already know, Crispani is just Panera's overly pretentious term for a thin crust pizza.)
I wish I had something more relevant to write about, but it seems as if life in the suburbs has almost come to a complete standstill. I might have to go out and stir up some activity/ controversy just so I'll have something to write about.

I leave you with my list of current grievances:

1) I'm tired of idiots. Just to clarify, Penn and Teller are magicians, not scientists.
2) Animals DO have language. (not really a complaint, just something I feel adamantly about)
3) I would really appreciate it if people would stop tailgaiting me on 9A. 80 mph is fast enough. Learn to be a little patient.
4) At this very moment I am struggling with people who feel that it's necessary to watch tv with the volume all the way up. I hope you go deaf.
5) Death to the woman that works at the first ticket window at Tinseltown. I don't think you should have denied me the student price just because I couldn't find my ID. Why don't you trust me?

-Mopey Mandarin

Wah Wah Wahn-Dixie

Stop the angry e-mails already. We're lazy and selfish and boring and busy and procrastinators. We are also girls so you boys be nice if you want your family legacy to live to see the next decade. Now, here's an update for all you wild and crazy kids.


Winn-Dixie VS. Loser-Dixie
Remember that whole "we're getting better" thing? Well, they don't seem to. Here's to all Winn-Dixie stores everywhere sucking. They are dirty, the employees are unhelpful, and I get nervous even thinking about eating their food. Which is the worst thing possible for a supermarket chain. I've been to more than my fair share of different locations, and they are all the same. I like the self-checkout lanes though; I get a kick out of those. Loser-Dixie all the way; I just can't get over it.



Lack of substance? Yes. Food poisoning? No.
WhAtEvS, Apathetic Arlington

"Jesus Was Wrong"

"Definitely worth my $6.50."-Apathetic Arlington

After last week's overwhelming negativity ( see previous post about our newfound nilihism), it's a good thing Little Miss Sunshine came to town, and turned our frowns upside down.

"Little Miss Sunshine tells the story of the Hoovers, one of the most endearingly fractured families ever seen on motion picture screens. Together, the motley six-member family treks from Albuquerque to the Little Miss Sunshine pageant in Redondo Beach, California, to fulfill the deepest wish of 7-year-old Olive, an ordinary little girl with big dreams."



We like it when things COME to Jacksonville.

-Mopey Mandarin